fixer.

(this pic is from our social...when i grow up. I was a weather lady, sophie was a palentologist, alison was a football player and vanessa was a painter!)

HELLO!

I wish you guys could be here right now listening to sophie and vanessa they are doing their scripture memory..making raps to it. its hilarious!!! but awesome that they are even learning scripture and really clinging to his truths!!! they are so hungry and it is just such a sweet blessing.It is really neat to see how in the past couple of weeks how they are just transforming in him. How even though they cant see or have something tangible to hold on to with him...that they still put their hope and trust in him to get them through the sticky stuff.

Honeymoon stage of project is slowly winding down. Sin is oozing and its great. Its tough....stretching....but ridiculously rewarding! It is going to get real tough to be down here and not be a believer. The lord has already radically redefined alot of peoples lives breaking them down to build them back up in Him. Theres been a lot of surrendering and people laying their lives at his cross. its such a beautiful, beauiful thing! :)

anyways.... the tail end of last week was pretty hard. the lord was breaking me down, and it hit me all at once...but he has been so sweet this week to build me back up. The conclusion of that week was that I am a fixer. And this is a new characteristic that is really foreign to me. My girls have a lot of wounds and the lord is asking some of them to walk through some pretty hard things right now.. and I want to heal them, save them, provide for them...etc. I want to come in like thing one and thing two and just strip it all away...all the sin, all the baggage, all the wounds....and pop them out to be shiny new precious daughters of the lord. Its been hard for me because I want to do this all on my own and i've not really wanted to trust in the lord because I've wanted to be in control. But the lord quickly broke me of that.... I learned that I am weak. really really weak. That there is nothing I can do to make them desire the lord more, there is nothing that i can do to fix them, heal them, or provide for them. I can't be their Savior, I can't heal them, I cant bandage them up, I CANT DO IT. ALL I CAN DO IS TRUST IN THE LORD. I have to come to him with an open hand with them and trust in him to do a work in them. ALl i can do is seek the lords face and be in constant constant prayer for them! Through all of this it really just showed that I have a trend in my life. I have always wanted to fix people in my life. From my parents divorce wanting to fix that to healing daddy when he was sick. Then after dad died I didnt want anyone to see this compassionate, tender, characteristic of me...because it was a weakness to me...but at the same time I didnt have that characteristic because its a character of Christ and in high school I wasnt abiding in him. So now that the lord has invaded my heart I can see this characteristic seeping out of my heart and overflowing into my life. It is a blessing but a curse i think. It is hard to find the balance of bearing one anothers burdens as it talks about in Galations 6:2 and trusting in the lord with all of my heart as Proverbs 3:5 says. I am really glad that I realized this week one/twoish and not at the end of the summer.

This week at work has been really hard. Ive had to work at 5 or 6 every day this week and its just really taken a toll on me in every way. The co workers and people are just so quick to blame and be angry and its really hard to love them. I feel like I have a right to fight back and justify myself when something goes wrong thats not my fault. When I am just being beaten *not literally* but just feel like the punches keep coming i feel like i need to threaten and buck back up. In 1 peter I found some verses to cling to.... 1 Peter 2:18-25

"Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls."

Christ already suffered for me.... he committed NO sin. NONE. No deceit, no bad words, no harsh tongue, no nothing came from his mouth but love and kind words. When people insulted us, when he was persecuted, he did not retaliate. When he suffered, when he was beaten, when he was kicked and punched, he did made no threats back to them. Instead he entrusted, had full confidence, full trust in His father who judges HIM justly. So for me that just transfers into Mcdonalds and every aspect of my life..... its like when i am being beaten and insulted and cussed at and just broken down in every way, i want to know the lord so intimately, i want to hide his truths in my heart, i want to imitate to him in every way so that i can battle and fight off the temptations to justify myself, to retaliate, to threaten...because I already have a judge in heaven who judges me justly and rightly.

i miss and love you all . sorry this is on the shorters side... we just got back from beach evangelism and are headed out for a date night! I feel really bad that i just am not a good communicator in general and its hard for me to call all the time..but shoot me a text or call me and ill do my best to respond...in a timely fashion! :)

a day equals a week...

First official week done at McDonalds!!! I forgot how long and exhausting waking up at 5 for early morning shifts is....but i am so thankful on many different levels. One i am thankful that we have job, that the lord has just blessed us with a job that gives us plenty of hours consistently! Two I am thankful that we currently still have jobs, some peoples hours/jobs are getting cut because of the oil that is supposedly heading our way. Three I am thankful for being able to work with my girls and share this experience of "Cheeseburgers for Christ" with them. Fourthly, I am thankful that I do have to get up early....and for those of you who know me really well you are SHOCKED that I am saying this; but sleep is an idol to me! I love it! and I sometimes would rather sleep then get in the word and commune with God. One of the passages that I clung to last semester trying to counteract my struggle with laziness was Proverbs 6:6-10:

" Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise. It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you sluggard?When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber,a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man."

I don't want to be a slug because that slug just leads to poverty/bad decisions/death etc and it will sneak up on you like a bandit, like an armed man to kill you. SO i actually had been praying for a job that would assist in my transformation from a slug to an ant and force me to wake up early. Well that prayer was answered!!! Its hard and i long to hit the snooze but 5 times, but sleep can only rejuvenate my body....but Christ refreshes my heart and prepares me to fight the world during the day.

I don't have any funny mess up stories, im basically a McDonalds pro this year... NOT...but Ive only messed up a few orders and overflowed the coffee maker a couple of times.. but compared to last year... I am on a roll! :)

My girls are adjusting quite well to the long project days. At first I think they thought it was just going to be alot of down time, volleyball and sun, but I mean, I did too last year... but a day in project world is like a week and a week like a month. So already I feel like I have been here for a month...no joke, but its been an amazing month already! lol. However, they have just adjusted like champs. THey are awesome, I wish you all could meet them... so I am just going to share a little blurb about each of them.

Allison- aka my butterfly. She is probably the most extraverted person I know, thats why i call her butterfly!!She Loves the lord with all of her heart and is just so hungry to know and understand the word of God.

Sophie- such a sweet soul. Quiet but is breaking out of her shell daily!!! She is so hungry too. She is like a little sponge soaking up everything.

Pizarro- Ms. Adventure!! She is a beautiful, strong woman. Thats simply how to put it. She is just running so hard after the lord and too is searching for his truths everywhere she turns.

They all love to have jam sessions in the car haha its so funny. Bohemian Rapshody I dont even know how to spell it is their favorite song...I wish I could appreciate it haha. I dont think that I have laughed this much in a really long time... The lord is so sweet in placing us all together and intertwining our lives. On top of that He knew spiritually what he was doing. Alot of the struggles and joys that I have faced/going through these girls have gone through/are going through and it is neat to be able to shepard them to the cross through every situation by the grace that i have been given. They all have transformed so much in the first week...and its crazy to think we have 9 more to go!!!!! I am pumped to see how he is just going to do so much more then I can ever imagine.

OIL. that is the big word around panama city. Cynthia at work is convinced that this is going to shut PCB down....and the world is in a downward spiral because of it lol. I honestly have no clue about it... I havent read/seen news. the only thing I've seen is the map that they printed off at work and its like 59 miles away...?! So what does that mean... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It doesnt frighten me or make me anxious about jobs or tourism because I know that my God is in control of the waters! We had prayer this morning and prayed that the lord would change the direction of the sea and shift the wind so that it wouldnt hit land in PCB or any region and dramatically effect peoples lives. And he can do it! I was reading in the back booth today random Psalms and I just thought that this was super cool and shared it with my doubtful Cynthia...

Its a bunch of lines from Psalm 29:

"The voice of the Lord is over the waters, the God of Glory thunders over many waters. The voice of the lord is powerful , the voice of the lord is full of majesty (vs 3and4) The voice of the lord shakes the wilderness (vs8) The lord sits enthroned as king forever. May the lord give strength to His people! May the Lord bless his people with peace! (11)"

I thought that was just really cool. The lord is control of everything but the sweet reminder that he is the voice over the waters, he is powerful and shakes the wilderness. He is king and because of that it gives his people who earnestly believe in him strength and peace!! So if it is the lords will to hit PCB, eliminate our jobs, and make us clean sea creatures on the beach...then so be it. The lord will provide in every way...for he will put us in the perfect place to grow in him...this i am fully confident of that!

My time with the Lord has just been so sweet and so rich! We have been going through Hebrews 11 and 12, and its been so encouraging. To see how the people that have gone before me have been condemned and persecuted for the sake of the gospel. How they were faithful, left their luxury, comfort, family and truly put their faith in the lord to guide them, provide for them, protect them and make his glory know. They were obedient and faithful and they didnt even get to see how their faith in Christ would use them to turn the world upside down. They were average joes who came from all walks of life, weak people, but because of their devotion to the lord he strengthened them with his grace and power to make them vessels for his kingdom. THIS IS US. WE ARE ALL WEAK, BROKEN, and FAILURES, but because of HIS LOVE FOR US, HIS GRACE, HIS PURPOSE FOR US, WE ARE MADE STRONG IN HIM---EQUIPPED TO DO HIS WORK. YOU TOO...CAN TURN THE WORLD UPSIDE DOWN. OFFER YOURSELF TO HIM, RUN TOWARDS HIM, AND GAIN THE REWARD OF HIS KINGDOM! HOW BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!

We are starting 2 Timothy and I am PUMPED for that!!

I am so thankful of his Son and that He loves me. I am so unworthy, yet he still bestows so much grace and countless blesssings upon me. Pray that I will, everyday come to the cross. Not just half way, not just standing there, but on my face surrendering daily to him. Pray that I will love through the eyes of christ...not just put on his glasses but transform my eyes to see the world as christ does. Continue to pray for strength to keep going when it gets hard and i am exhausted from the week. Pray for my girls that the walls of Jericho in their life will be continuously brought down. that they are coming to him with an open hand to every situation/conflict etc. Pray that they will lay aside every weight and sin that clings so closely to them so that they can run with endurance the race that has been set before them through christ jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith.

Final thought for right now...

We ALL need a reality check... Hebrews 12:3-4 puts our resistance of sin in perspective....

"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or faint hearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood"

Christ shed blood for you...are you shedding blood for him. HONESTLy? No, youre not. Get your head out of the clouds and give your self an accurate reality check !:)

love you all!

Faithful.

HEY!

Well over the past couple of days some neat things have happened where I can totally see the Lord and Him working through it all. So remember how I was not to thrilled to be going back to Mcdonalds....well I had an absolute BLAST at work on Friday. I walk in and everyone attacks me... Eggman Bob from last year is still convinced I am his girlfriend...I quickly told him that he was wrong on that one so I didnt get attack in the freezer again haha!! First day on the job, got promoted to back window order taker. And I dont

(My girls: sophie, me, allison & Pizzaro!)

know how but for some reason I can understand how to work the screen....cause last year I failed miserably. So that was real fun. But What I am most excited about working there is this: Last year my room was able to pour into a select few co workers who were really hungry. They came to Bible Study training sessions and meetings all summer because they just wanted a better understanding of the word. Well this year as you know I am back and just was complaining in my head about working there but in one conversation I got to see how purposeful and useful my room was in their lives last summer. They told me that they have started a bible study!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told them to shut the front door because it blew my mind. I have the chance to see the fruit that was produced from my labor last summer. How when I thought making Mcgriddles and Big Macs was dumb and that I wasnt being used...those conversations about life, sharing my testimony, being bold with them about the gospel, inviting them too meetings...it really paid off. I think that I have a crazy cool opportunity to be a part of their lives this summer because not a lot of people get the chance to see how useful they were the past summer. Also, it just shows that it is not my human will or exertion as it says in Romans 9 that is going to make them know the lord or have that desire for Him...it solely is Him placing it in their hearts. That we planted seeds last summer and the Lord brought people/events into their lives to cultivate their faith in him. HE IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN I GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR!!!!! Also, their bible study is on wednesdays, our free nights...so me and my girls are going to be able to be a part of that this summer and invest in that relationship again. My girls are pumped about working at Mcd's now. The cash register and the beautiful chaos was alot to handle the first day, but after having a record breaking sales day on Saturday they were broken in lol.

Today we went to church and I am back at Covenant PCA church. It was the one I went to last year. I am the only one out of the RL/TL that is back at the same church. It was really neat to get placed there just because of the relationships that have already been established there. It was cool to see Pastor Bob and my host family, and all the other families that we got to know over the summer!!

I feel like right now what the Lord is showing me is how he has me in the absolute perfect place for me to grow. And i've known that...but fully haven't understood it. He knows what is going to make me stretch and grow the most; for He knows every last intricate detail of my life. A verse that i love is Psalm 16:5-6 "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance." I also am just clinging to the lord by how he listens to me. He listens to me individually and specifically. He doesnt just listen to me when he has time or when he kinda feels like it...he genuinely, intimately, sweetly listens to me ALL the time. And taking on the role of a RL (roomleader) sometimes its really hard when you feel like no one is listening or you are midst the choas of 8 girls and running around thinking and being a mother hen its hard to feel like you are being listened too. And the lord listens to me 24/7!!!!

Pastor Bob said this this morning:

In Matt 25:21 it says "well done my good and faithful servant." The world tries to change it to "well done my good and successful servant" but that is NOT truth what so ever. So this summer I am not trying to be successful with my girls.... I am going to faithfully seek the lord, be faithfully prayerful, faithfully bold, faithfully intentional with them. Its better to be faithful than fruitful! The lord is going to do work :)

Week 1

Hello from the Ambassador Hotel!

I got down here on the 24th and moved into our humble abode. Our hotel is the ritz carelton compared to last years hotel. I am sharing a room with a girl named Snickets in a condo style suit. There is 8 girls to one bathroom/kitchen which so far has worked out pretty well. The first couple of days was orientation and we just had meetings and such... worked on our roooms etc. but then YESTERDAY 70 people invaded the hotel. It was pretty crazy! Suitcases/trunks/hangers flying around...you name it people brought it. but I have three girls in my room... Sophie, Allison, and Pizzaro. Sophie and Allison are down here now... but Pizzaro is coming tomorrow so I am pretty pumped!!! They are absolutely beautiful girls and I am so blessed that the Lord chose them to be in my room!! In Snickets room is Mallory, Melanie, and Lauren and they are super cool too. Lets just say we have a pretty stacked condo! :) We all 8 along w/ a 100 other SLPers went to walmart last night..........INSANE! it was pretty overwhelming, especially to all of the newbies...but we made it back w/ lots of food and some pretty humorous memories. Then we awaited the job father to come around and tell us where we are working....the anticipation just about killed us because we were one of the last ones to find out where we are working. We kind of mentally prepared ourselves that we were working at mcdonalds...or atleast I did....but there was a little hope in my heart that we wouldn't.......... but when the job father came around.... he handed me a sheet.... that said..... Room 327 Front Beach Mcdonalds. Report for Orientation at 2:30 tomorrow! THE SAME ONE I WORKED AT LAST YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! Thoughts of packing up my suitcases, loading my car, and heading back home were what flashed in my mind...but I couldn't share that with my girls. haha However, they were in shocked, reluctant, but really excited and it made me too. (Oh, PS they REQUESTED ME TO COME BACK...how do i feel about that????? Flattered, but not really haha just kidding.) I was able to share with them all my stories from last year and tell them all about eggman bob, maintance bob, Cynthia, etc. and what a work that the lord did last year in them. So it is going to be so cool to see how/if the lord has cultivated them since last year. Its also great that I already have relationships established so I am not starting from square one again. So today we went and met Bill and Linda for some orientation, got our super highwaisted shorts, and our visors. I think my girls were a little overwhelmed and still in shock that they are actually about to work at mcdonalds. I think it set it when they told us....new girls start at 6, Kait you start at 9. Round 2 at Mcdonalds starts tomorrow!!!!!!!! Get ready, fasten your seat belts for some crazy stories!

I haven't been too anxiety stricken yet... In 1 Cor. 3:10 it refers to us by the grace of God as a skilled master builder. Now a skilled master builder, loves blue prints, follows directions, organized etc...AND I am not the greatest planner/structure/time management person.... so I kinda feel adequately unprepared to lead these girls....but I am not afraid of failing, messing...because honestly no one has it all together...and thats even more so the gospel. Anxiety and fear is sin, plain and simple. Its my lack of trust in my father. But I am casting it all on Him because he cares for me and loves me passionately. God didn't give me a spirit of timidity but he gave me a spirit of love and self control. I know that it is Him that is working in me, not my own doing. No matter how hard I try, no matter anything, it is not me who is going to make Him be a desire in their hearts, it's going to be God. I am so excited to see how the lord grows me and my girls this summer. I haven't gotten to know them too well yet, but one thing I do know is all three of them are hungry and thirsty for Jesus. I know no matter what I can dream, hope for, expect out of this summer that the lord is going to do immeasurably more then my wildest thoughts. Ephesians 3:20 is my dreamer verse and it is straight truth:

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us!"

Prayers:

I pray that this summer Christ will be our *me and my girls* only desire. That nothing will hinder us from seeking his face. I am praying that with our job, living situations, confrontations to come, etc. that we will all have our hands open surrendering everything to him. I am praying that my girls will continue to hunger and thirst for his righteousness. I am praying that they will not just want Him to be a sweet aroma, but their oxygen that they breathe. I am praying that each morning we will imagine ourselves at the foot of the cross realizing that we are broken people but healed by His blood..for his mercies are new every morning!! Pray for our co-workers that we are able to establish lasting relationships and just be able to be bold with our faith. That my girls will be stretched...that they will get out of their comfortable zone and really be pulled in 3038957987829 directions so that they can just ooze sin, but learn truths to counteract it.

I know that Satan is doing everything in his power to battle and have a spiritual warfare in this place. He is a liar and a deceiver who likes to invade our hearts. Pray that above all else that we will decided to know nothing except Christ and Him crucified. That we will dwell on what is true...not the what ifs, not the question marks, not the shoulda/coulda/wouldas but truth. ANd that truth is that He loves us with a deep, passionate, jealous, unconditional love that will not fade or change!!!! Our god is so worthy to be praised!

We are about to head to our first meeting as a whole SLP. Keep ya'll updated as much as possible!!!!

Love you all :)

Pre-SLP

This is my first blog...ever! I just finished up my support letter and I have committed to keeping a blog to keep my supporters in the loop at SLP. I am putting all my faith in The Lord that he is going to provide all of the funding for this summer!!!! I know that he is going to move this small mountain! In Matthew 17:20-21 Jesus talks about having the faith of a mustard seed in Him. And if we have that, NOTHING, is impossible for Him… He will move this mountain. I firmly believe that this is His will and that He will provide as He says He will in Philippians 4:19: “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

I am beyond pumped for this summer. I am praying for the girls in my room already that their hearts are being gripped by the Holy Spirit. That they are going to be ready for an intense summer filled with amazing growth and a whole lot of grace mixed in with tons of unforgettable memories. I am also praying for myself. That I will be able to deny myself and die for the Gospel. That I will take all my selfish desires and give them to The Lord so all my focus will be on Him. That I will decrease, so he will fully INCREASE!!!!!

I highly doubt anyone is going to read this right now.. but Oh Well. Here is my blog... welcome to the life of Kait :)