fixer.

(this pic is from our social...when i grow up. I was a weather lady, sophie was a palentologist, alison was a football player and vanessa was a painter!)

HELLO!

I wish you guys could be here right now listening to sophie and vanessa they are doing their scripture memory..making raps to it. its hilarious!!! but awesome that they are even learning scripture and really clinging to his truths!!! they are so hungry and it is just such a sweet blessing.It is really neat to see how in the past couple of weeks how they are just transforming in him. How even though they cant see or have something tangible to hold on to with him...that they still put their hope and trust in him to get them through the sticky stuff.

Honeymoon stage of project is slowly winding down. Sin is oozing and its great. Its tough....stretching....but ridiculously rewarding! It is going to get real tough to be down here and not be a believer. The lord has already radically redefined alot of peoples lives breaking them down to build them back up in Him. Theres been a lot of surrendering and people laying their lives at his cross. its such a beautiful, beauiful thing! :)

anyways.... the tail end of last week was pretty hard. the lord was breaking me down, and it hit me all at once...but he has been so sweet this week to build me back up. The conclusion of that week was that I am a fixer. And this is a new characteristic that is really foreign to me. My girls have a lot of wounds and the lord is asking some of them to walk through some pretty hard things right now.. and I want to heal them, save them, provide for them...etc. I want to come in like thing one and thing two and just strip it all away...all the sin, all the baggage, all the wounds....and pop them out to be shiny new precious daughters of the lord. Its been hard for me because I want to do this all on my own and i've not really wanted to trust in the lord because I've wanted to be in control. But the lord quickly broke me of that.... I learned that I am weak. really really weak. That there is nothing I can do to make them desire the lord more, there is nothing that i can do to fix them, heal them, or provide for them. I can't be their Savior, I can't heal them, I cant bandage them up, I CANT DO IT. ALL I CAN DO IS TRUST IN THE LORD. I have to come to him with an open hand with them and trust in him to do a work in them. ALl i can do is seek the lords face and be in constant constant prayer for them! Through all of this it really just showed that I have a trend in my life. I have always wanted to fix people in my life. From my parents divorce wanting to fix that to healing daddy when he was sick. Then after dad died I didnt want anyone to see this compassionate, tender, characteristic of me...because it was a weakness to me...but at the same time I didnt have that characteristic because its a character of Christ and in high school I wasnt abiding in him. So now that the lord has invaded my heart I can see this characteristic seeping out of my heart and overflowing into my life. It is a blessing but a curse i think. It is hard to find the balance of bearing one anothers burdens as it talks about in Galations 6:2 and trusting in the lord with all of my heart as Proverbs 3:5 says. I am really glad that I realized this week one/twoish and not at the end of the summer.

This week at work has been really hard. Ive had to work at 5 or 6 every day this week and its just really taken a toll on me in every way. The co workers and people are just so quick to blame and be angry and its really hard to love them. I feel like I have a right to fight back and justify myself when something goes wrong thats not my fault. When I am just being beaten *not literally* but just feel like the punches keep coming i feel like i need to threaten and buck back up. In 1 peter I found some verses to cling to.... 1 Peter 2:18-25

"Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls."

Christ already suffered for me.... he committed NO sin. NONE. No deceit, no bad words, no harsh tongue, no nothing came from his mouth but love and kind words. When people insulted us, when he was persecuted, he did not retaliate. When he suffered, when he was beaten, when he was kicked and punched, he did made no threats back to them. Instead he entrusted, had full confidence, full trust in His father who judges HIM justly. So for me that just transfers into Mcdonalds and every aspect of my life..... its like when i am being beaten and insulted and cussed at and just broken down in every way, i want to know the lord so intimately, i want to hide his truths in my heart, i want to imitate to him in every way so that i can battle and fight off the temptations to justify myself, to retaliate, to threaten...because I already have a judge in heaven who judges me justly and rightly.

i miss and love you all . sorry this is on the shorters side... we just got back from beach evangelism and are headed out for a date night! I feel really bad that i just am not a good communicator in general and its hard for me to call all the time..but shoot me a text or call me and ill do my best to respond...in a timely fashion! :)